It’s nearly 1am. I attempted to sleep an hour ago but I’ve been tossing and turning in bed. I know why. I am just itching to express myself on certain recent developments that have come up in my life and if I don’t type it in a blog post, the restlessness won’t fade and I’ll end up seeing myself in the mirror with panda eyes in the morning. 😛
Over the past 2 weeks, I’ve been pondering over whether to change one of my uni subjects. A few interests have developed that have influenced this recently. In December, I enrolled in “Imaging for Media” and “Creative Non-Fiction” thinking it was great that the lectures for both units happened to be on Thursday. However, I changed my mind and dropped “Imaging for Media” and replaced it with “Scriptwriting” a few days later thinking that I did not have the skills for photography or photojournalism. So I had my heart set on studying “Scriptwriting” and “Creative Non-Fiction” in Trimester 1. However, after browsing through certain magazines and looking through the course outline for “Imaging for Media” again, my mind and heart were unsettled.
Deep down, I know the real reason why I replaced it with “Scriptwriting”. Fear. Fear that I was throwing myself into a subject that I had scant knowledge and experience of. Fear that I would discover that I was no good at it. That I would fail. Honestly, I really have little knowledge of photography or photojournalism. Growing up in a country that places a high premium on good grades, I realised that my reasons for dropping the subject in the first place were silly because I am greatly interested in it. It suddenly became so glaring to me that I was afraid to take risks and preferred to settle for something I was comfortable with. Something where I had higher chances for success.
A constant nagging voice in my head told me if I didn’t pursue the subject because 2013 was the last year it was being offered, I would be missing out on something. That it would help me develop certain skills that the other subjects didn’t offer. The voice wouldn’t go away. I only feel rested now that I’ve reinstated the course that I withdrew from.
I have learnt that the learning process is not about getting good grades or doing what I felt comfortable doing. Real learning is about how much my mind has been stretched and how much personal growth that has occurred even if it is uncomfortable or new. I realised I had missed the point entirely. The hard is what makes it great. My attitude needed to change.
I remember Ben Carson’s book “Take the Risk:Learning to Identify, Choose and Live with acceptable risk” which I read last year on learning how to accept and assess risks. Taking risks reveals the purposes for our lives. I figured even if I find that photography is not for me, I would learn something from it and perhaps establish some useful connections. I had nothing to lose. I do not want to regret and wonder what might have been if I didn’t study it. A person can never know how far he or she can go if risks are not taken.
To share a quote…
“In our risk-avoidance culture, we place a high premium on safety. We insure our vacations. We check crash tests on cars. We extend the warranties on our appliances. But by insulating ourselves from the unknown–the risks of life–we miss the great adventure of living our lives to their full potential.” ~ Ben Carson
So now that I’ve re-enrolled in the subject, I do now know what to expect or how well I will do. One thing I know is that I look forward to picking up photography skills and producing a photo documentary for my assignment. I’ve purchased a Nikon DSLR camera at a good bargain. 🙂 I’m rapt! 🙂
“Scriptwriting”, I want to study all about you but you can wait till next year. 🙂
Last but not least, I highly recommend reading this book..